1. |
A Kick In The Teeth
02:40
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Every word I've ever said
Feels like a kick in the teeth in moments like these
I never want to leave my bed again
Face the word and all the people in it
Who I've let down time and time again
With all my unwanted affections
It's an unfair position to put you in
And the only answer I can see
Is to remove myself from the equation
Why do i feel so humiliated when I so much as look as you?
I shouldn't feel so worthless
I shouldn't feel so small
But I do
And I am lost in the aching hugeness of the world
All that's left to do is cry and watch it all unfurl
I can see the pity in your eyes as I fall apart
I know I'm a pathetic sight
Why did I ever feel I could be worth something?
I know my very being is a blight upon the world
And for all my smiles I bring nothing to the table
Everyone has more fun when I'm not around
I can hear you all laughing harder when I'm in the distance
It all goes quiet when I walk in
And I am lost in the aching hugeness of the silence
I've let you al down time and time again
It's an unfair position for me to put you in
And the only answer I can see
To this stupid situation
Is to remove myself from the equation
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2. |
Behold!
06:25
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Behold this twisted carapace
A bloated frame we follow through
This dark and burning tunnel that
In ecstasy we find renews
The sinew and the bone which lay
Shattered and cast upon the snow
A portrait painted by the lack
Of guiding voice to lead it home
Now ever staring through the glass
A mute and uninvited ghost
An endless spite, a shadow that
Could never make its purpose know
I hope, I fear, a lack of feeling
Like rats leaving a sinking ship
they abandoned me
Pouring out from endless cavities
Where all emotions once dwelled
In their tumbling masses
I am the fragments of 1000 burst balloons
I am devoid of all shape and form
An escape into emptiness
Is no escape at all
A statue shattered, lain across the floor
Sunken eyes and sunken chest
Results deflated and deformed
And this is what remains
I am the puddle on the ground
Where the snowman has melted
I am bereft of all fear and drive
I am a chrysalis half formed
Not a tooth left to remember me by
So this is what remains
Twitching broken on the floor
Behold me in my formless glory
At last I am undone
I hope you know I feel numb
I hope you know I feel nothing
I hope you know what you've done to me
I hope
I know
I hope
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3. |
The Birth Complete
04:17
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Why does this gnawing stomach pain occur
These times I lie awake at night?
As if crawling from within
Some creature birthed out of my guilt
Reaches the end of its gestation
Now comes wielding a list
Of every sin I can't undo
Of every flaw I cannot fix
It steals my appetite -
No doubt to feed itself but also to cripple me
A fitting punishment for all my careless apathy
I feel it pressing on the inside of my skin
Fingers wrapped around my ribs
Climb this ladder leading up
towards my throat
They start to choke
And the curtains close
Cut to 4am : the birth complete
Now looming over me the monster stands
Oh this most difficult of feats
One might expect would lead to some relief
Yet the presence of the unwanted child
Made permanent in flesh and blood
Creates a pressure on my chest
That I can't tolerate
For up until this point some hope remained
That upon witnessing the face
I wouldn't see my own
Walking out the room it takes my place
And cast upon the bed empty shell lies in state
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4. |
COWARD!
06:42
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We are saved
We are saved
But only by your hand
But only by your grace
We are saved
COWARD!
Behind glass
Watching them all float by
Side by side
While all remains on hold
Progress frozen in formaldehyde
Been staying in
Missing out on everything
Not been out in weeks
The way want to be dressing
All the time
Don't want to hide
But fatal to be wandering
When they stare on
With murder in their eyes
Would your faces look like that?
Would your faces look like that
Besides the counterfact
Of the something inbetween
That keeps on peeling back
The thin veneer of decency
Your daggers lack
Coward!
Shrinks and shrivels up
Like a beetle on it's back
Caught and burnt up in the sun
Coward!
Living half a life
Stunted by your wrath
Well no more I'm fucking done
Coward!
Pushed into my past
I'll wear my face with pride
Can't make me turn and run
Why should I be grateful for something I deserve?
The right to be alive and in the face I've earned
It took me so long to get this far
So I hate that you can still force me back
Back into my shell
Cower on my own
Back into a body where I've never felt at home
I shouldn't have to choose between identity and life
The constant threat of violence that makes me want to run and hide
In plain sight
Coward!!
Giving up on any chance at being someone that I like
Just so I can walk safely home at night
Coward!
Giving up on being myself cos I'm punished when I try
I'll never hail the boot just for leaving me alive
Coward!
Shrinks and shrivels up
Like a beetle on it's back
Caught and burnt up in the sun
Coward!
Living half a life
Stunted by your wrath
Well no more I'm fucking done
Coward!
Pushed into my past
I'll wear my face with pride
Can't make me turn and run
Coward!
Crushed beneath your boots for the last time
Never get me down now I realise
You're nothing but a fucking bunch of cowards
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5. |
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I've got nothing to look forward to
More disappointments from myself
I fail to follow through
With all the things that I say I'll do
It shouldn't come as a surprise because it's nothing new
I've got nothing to look forward to
Another kick in the teeth from a familiar boot
There's no need to ask because I always knew
How could I fail to recognise the sight of my own shoes?
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Monika Badly Bristol, UK
Noise Demon and Performer of Sonic Terror Rituals. Hellscape Gardener and Wrangler of Cursed Electronics. No good shall come of this
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